you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
