Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
