I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
