flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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