I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
