he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
