So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm always down for nudity.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
