We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
