Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
