it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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