I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
