he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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