I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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