so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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