; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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