I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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