Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
