I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
