I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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