look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
