we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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