two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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