I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
