I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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