that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
