i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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