so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
