Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
