Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
