No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
