At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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