her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
