is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
