Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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