it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
