I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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