It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I love you. Go after that dick
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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