forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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