I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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