My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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