He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
