chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
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