I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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