If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
