I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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