Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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