There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
