he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
