im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
