I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
