Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
youre lurking in front of me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
