I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
