well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
