I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The uberlube is also flammable
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
