You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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