So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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