Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We're too hungover to prance.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
