Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
