when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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